Magic Bus

Khao Takiap in Hua Hin, Thailand / photo by "UKDevon" - some rights reserved

Every day I get in the queue
(Too much, the Magic Bus)
To get on the bus that takes me to you
(Too much, the Magic Bus)
I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile
(Too much, the Magic Bus)
Your house is only another mile
(Too much, the Magic Bus)
Thank you, driver, for getting me here
(Too much, the Magic Bus)
-- Magic Bus, The Who

Okay ... so when I told a friend that I'd be taking a bus for 12 hours to get to Hua Hin for a long weekend he said, "Better you than me!" Right then it hit me ... "Oh crap, I signed-up to sit on a bus for 12 hours to drive half the length of Thailand ... and after two days ... I'd be doing it all over again!"

It's not like it's expensive to travel in Thailand right now. A plane ticket from Chiang Mai to Bangkok is about $50 USD per person. A train ticket from Chiang Mai to Hua Hin wouldn't have been much more ... but we decided to take the bus as a new experience.

We arrived at the bus station at about 7:30 AM. It was pretty quiet at the station and soon after we arrived the bus pulled in to the terminal. These are pretty big and comfortable buses.

photo by "madaboutasia" - some rights reserved

A lot of the buses are Mercedes engines with (I believe) a Scandinavian body placed on the chassis. There's leg room for Thai people (read very little for "farang" like me) and the seats recline almost to horizontal ... or course this would indeed squash the person behind you like a bug, but you can recline quite well without affecting the person behind you too much. (NOTE: If you are getting ready to take this trip, I highly recommend seats 1C and 1D, as they are above the driver and there is a "luggage platform" in front of the seats that doubles as leg room for those of us with long legs!)

We sat down and got ready for the bus trip, wrapped the blanket they supplied around our legs and started watching the movies / music videos that played during the course of each journey. We watched a plethora of movies ... some interesting ... some unintelligible ... some weird ... and then there was the karaoke.

They didn't just display music videos on the bus, they played karaoke videos. I came to realize many things about Thais and their ideas of the world by watching these videos. First of all, according to the videos, every person in Thailand is a victim and will be moved to tears during the course of the next 10 minutes. I've never seen so many people blubbering ... it's incredible. Also, they all seemed to bring on themselves. "I know he's cheating on me ... but if I smile sweetly he'll forget all about her ... wait ... no ... he's sleeping with her again ... boo hoo hoo hoo." Or, "I'm just a lowly mechanic who works on her father's tractor but I've loved her since we were 4 years old and she doesn't even know I exist ... maybe if I stand peeking at her from behind the tree she'll understand my devotion and not think of me as a stalker ... wait ... is that her boyfriend coming my way? ... maybe he wants to offer me my true love since he knows my heart is pure ... wait ... is he punching me in the stomach ... boo hoo hoo hoo."

This my friends is a Thai karaoke video disc in its entirety!

Now ... another thing about the bus ... my god do they feed you ... I'll try and remember what they fed us each way on this trip and it goes a little something, ah-like this:

• Odd morning pizza pastry thingy, bag of cookies, sweetie cake with some kind of faux chocolate inside.
• Drinkable Yogurt
• Bottled Water
• Pound cake
• Genmai flavoured green tea
• White bread sandwiches with segments of hot dogs and lots-o-mayo
• Stop for lunch (included in the bus ticket price)
• Glass of green apple juice
• Glass of Pepsi
• Glass of caffee yen (Thai iced coffee)
• Orange (that seemed to be purchased by bus stewardess and given to the "farangs" in the front row)
• ... and I'm pretty sure I'm missing a few other items that were distributed amongst the crowds

As far as the movies go ... we watched: Get Smart, Death Race, Wanted, Battle Royal II (totally bizarre and completely, horrifically, bad), Some German film (looked to be made for TV) with a cop and dog and some zany antics, Twilight (the pirated copy was sooooo bad that we couldn't watch it, the English subtitles were written by a penguin that had been smoking crack all night ... okay ... at least by a non-native English speaker), Some monk and hippie drive across Thailand movie ... couldn't really follow that one ... but it did have themes similar to those in the music videos, a variety television program that had been recorded to VCD, and I'm sure I've forgotten a few other items.

So ... my review of the bus ... WILD!!! It's kinda worth doing once! Remember these tips:

• Wear long pants and a jacket ... Air-con can be cold.
• Wear ear plugs or headphones ... but realize the music / movies will probably be loud enough to override these.
• Don't watch the road ... Thais drive fine as long as you don't project any "rules of the road" upon them.
• Hang on tight and enjoy the ride!

Peace